I haven’t written in a while, because I’ve crawled out of deep depression but the last couple of weeks I’ve been numb. Husband wants sex a lot, but I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing. A friend sent me some smut and I was able to get off to that, and so the fear is that I’m just not sexually attracted to him anymore. I keep pushing that fear away because its an issue I don’t want to address for as long as possible. I know thats not the right way of approaching things, but here I am.
I’ve been hype over some video game stuff coming up and I’ve in general been gaming a lot more lately, which forces me to feel. But otherwise, I feel nothing. My friends all seem to be in bad places so I provide the positive support they need. I’m glad I can do that.
I’ve been getting cosplay ready for approaching cons. THat’s been fun. Positive. I feel like maybe this is dissassociation? I have to constantly remind myself “you feel this way” about things. “you’re happy” “you’re angry” “you’re sympathetic” “you need to eat because you’re hungry, don’t ignore that” “you’re tired, sleep”
It’s very… its supposed to be concerning. I feel nothing.