Small steps

I haven’t known what to say here. N and I are becoming closer friends because of all this. She’s having the exact same issues I am with her significant other.

Our anniversary was shit. We went to a con and he complained and we left early, I didn’t go to panels or see my friends. We didn’t speak till dinner, which he didn’t think we were even doing. He didn’t touch me at all, no holding hands, nothing. Food was good, but it was… meh.

I’ve been feeling like shit about friendships. N has been helping with that. But E posted a thing about the performance matters strike. I liked it. It was the shit article, she meant to share the rebuttal post. I knew this, obviously, since she is dating a VA. So I liked it, because obvious reasons. Well, her boyfriend, D, messaged me kind of telling me off about it and why it upset him and told me to “read the things before [I] go liking everything”. Wow. Ouch. I apologized and explained everything and apologized again. All I got in response was a “I gotcha”. This shouldn’t bother me so much, but it does. I look up to him, as a fan of his voice acting, as a fan of his band, and as a friend. I thought about sending another message today reiterizing everything (we’re going to a party together Saturday and I really dont want things sour between us) and offering support and shit. But then I remind myself, I explained and apologized already. I don’t owe him any more than that. It hurts. I’m bad with friends.

I guess I work really hard to impress people, to try to get close. And I’ve got really bad imposter syndrome, so this just makes it worse.

So I’ve got this weekend to look forward to and if he is still sour, I’m going to try really hard to not let it bother me. N, another friend, and I have a hotel room together and we’re oging to have a good time. And next weekend I’m going up to N’s place and we’re going to spend the weekend being supportive for each other and having fun and telling the rest of the world to fuck off. I know, its two weekends leaving husband by himself, but I need this.

 

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