Why do I write? I have a husband, friends, family. I write because my memory is shit. I write because maybe there’s someone else out there going through what I am. I don’t know.
The meds seem to be working. Risperidone. I seem slightly manic, and very prolonged. Need to pull in the spending. Otherwise I like it. My only real complaint: Weight Gain. My weight it something I struggle with. I am 5’6″ and 160lbs. I am assured by friends and family I am not overweight, that I am average size (size 14 right now). But I don’t feel average. I feel huge. I look down and I see fat rolls, I see my knees looking tiny compared to hippo legs, I see ripples in the skin. I’ve been dieting (1000-1200 kcal) and excersizing (trying to maintain 300 kcal run every few days). I got down to 154 and then this made me shoot up. The scale this morning even said three pounds more than yesterday. I’m trying to write that off as wrong. Maybe I didn’t poop recently enough, I hadn’t peed yet.
Bipolar is a bitch. And even with these great meds, I don’t feel perfect. But I am better. Husband is being supportive, which is good.
I just hope this weight stops gaining and starts going down again.