This is not good

When I’m okay or manic I tend to not write. I don’t feel the need to. Its when I’m in my depressive swings. Which I can safely say I am in now.

I’ve had a thought thats been nagging at me for some time, I’ve tried pushing it away.

Today I had a full blown panic attack. I noticed the moment it started and raced out of the office to my car. M talked me down. He was so kind and sweet and good. And here is where the trouble comes. I realize I may be falling in love with my best friend’s boyfriend (soon to be husband). I have slowly been for about 8 months now.

I am poly and the husband isn’t and doesn’t know and I know he would not be okay with it.

I am setting myself up to get hurt.

This is not good.

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